Little Miracle
by erebuslover
Summary: Following season 13, but adding to the Japril scenes we don't get to see. And Harriet :) Might change the canon storyline. And it might turn to M rating in the future. Write reviews, I love them, please :)
1. Chapter 1

April woke up. She felt dizzy and in pain. She could tell there were painkillers in her, but she could still feel exactly where the kitchen knife had been. Then it hit her, the baby. She panicked and tried to get up.

\- Calm down! Calm down. It's ok. She's fine, our baby is fine. Sorry, I didn't notice you had woken up. Wait a little, I'll go to you.

Jackson got up and started walking towards her, and she laid down slowly. He had her baby on his arms. " _She_ ", he had said. A baby girl. Jackson stood next to her bed, and they just looked at each other, both letting the joy and relief sink in. Then Jackson got closer and put their baby girl in April's reach, without letting go. She thanked it, she felt weak and wasn't sure she could hold her. She was so beautiful and perfect. A little miracle. Their daughter. April raised her hand and touched the little baby's face. She was real, she was safe. April closed her eyes and thanked God. Then she looked at Jackson, he had such a wonderful smile on his face.

\- She's so beautiful- April said.

\- She is. I'm so glad you are both ok- Jackson's voice broke a little, but his smile never left his face.

April reached Jackson's free hand and she held it. He squeezed her hand gently and didn't let go. Then she looked back at their daughter.

\- Is she completely ok? Did they give her a full exam? Is she…

\- She's completely fine, April. Don't worry. You did something unbelievable. For a moment I thought… Nevermind. You're both safe.

He squeezed her hand a little more.

\- We have a daughter - he said.

\- We have a daughter- April repeated and both laughed a little, relieved.

They stayed like that for a while, admiring their perfect and beautiful baby girl. After all that had happened to them, after they lost Samuel, after the fights, the pain, the divorce, there they were, holding their beautiful baby girl, their small miracle. She felt her heart hurt, but she reminded herself that their beautiful baby boy was in Heaven, and someday she would see him again. She said a small prayer and thanked God again.

Jackson wanted April to rest, but she insisted they should name their baby girl first. They hadn't actually talked names before. After a few tries, they agreed in "Harriet". _Harriet Kepner-Avery_. Jackson didn't seem to mind her last name being first.

\- I called your mom, she knows you are both fine, I didn't really tell her much about what happened, I didn't want her to worry too much while she was on the plane.

\- Thank you. Did you call your mother too?

Jackson pretended not to hear, looking at Harriet.

\- Jackson…

\- I will, but I'm pretty sure Richard already did.

\- You know - April said,- we should really get Ben a present.

Jackson let a laugh out.

\- I'm not sure what kind of present says "thank you for saving my baby and her mother".

April laughed a little too.

\- Well, I guess we'll have to figured that out.


	2. Chapter 2

Jackson had decided not to take his paternity leave yet, as both April and Harriet were still at the hospital. Jackson was often in April's room, though not as often as he wished. They had decided to leave Harriet in the nursery during the night, so April would get proper rest; April wasn't particularly happy about it, but she hadn't complained. He knew she resented the fact that she couldn't pick Harriet up herself if the baby girl started crying during the night. He had planned to stay over at April's room during the nights to watch over her, but April's mother had taken care of that. At first he suggested to take turns, but Karen insisted she could do it alone. And he knew April would be more comfortable this way, since she needed help to get up, go to the bathroom and shower, and she wouldn't like that help from him. Still, he would go to the nursery first thing in the morning to pick up Harriet and take her to April, and both would have breakfast together. His _ex_ mother-in-law would leave during the mornings to take a shower and rest properly, and come back at noon. The afternoons were a bit chaotic since both Harriet's grandmas would fight over their turn to hold her.

Their friends had come to visit, and Arizona would come to check on April several times a day. April's sisters had come to visit, and, secretly, both Jackson and April were glad their visit wasn't long. At first, April needed help to hold Harriet, and wasn't able to hold the weight for long. Jackson could see she was still in pain, but April refused to get any less time with Harriet, and Jackson couldn't blame her. They had such a beautiful baby girl.

\- April?

\- Yes?- she said without looking up, she was playing with Harriet's fingers.

-The nurse is here to take Harriet.

She looked up this time, and she couldn't hide the sadness and disappointment in her eyes.

-Ok.- She kissed Harriet in the forehead and let go of her so Jackson could hand her over to the nurse.

Karen had gone out to get dinner, and they were left alone in the room. He decided it was the right time.

\- I brought you something today. I thought it might cheer you up a little.

April was looking at him in doubt. He walked towards his backpack and got a small bag out of it. Then he gave it to April.

\- Fortune cookies!

\- I know it's not much and you would rather be able to stand by yourself, but…

\- It's great, Jackson. Thanks. - and she smiled at him.

He wanted to hold her hand, and comfort her. But he held back and smiled.

After a few days, April had been able to hold Harriet without help and that had cheered her up more than any fortune cookie could. A week later, Karen would no longer stay at night, and instead she spent the whole day with April, which left Jackson with less time alone with Harriet and April. But it wasn't long before Catherine had to get back to work and Karen had to go back home.

Jackson would sit in April's room after rounds, and in between surgeries. He would even read the cases in there. He was glad April didn't kick him out of the room while she was breastfeeding. He couldn't help but smile every time he saw April holding their healthy, beautiful and tiny baby. _Their little miracle_ , April called her. After Harriet's dramatic entrance to the world, Jackson wouldn't fight over that nickname. Both had been in so much danger, and for a moment that felt endless, Jackson had feared he would lose both. But they were there, right in front of him. If April minded Jackson being there all the time, she hadn't mentioned it.


	3. Chapter 3

It was not that she wasn't glad Jackson was there, or that he was spending so much time with Harriet. But she didn't want to get used to his presence. She even had to remind herself they were no longer married a couple times. She hadn't even figured out how she would take care of Harriet once they discharged her; she knew she wouldn't be able to move much at first, or pick her up without help. Instead she kept thinking how different things would be if they were still married. She looked at Jackson, who was reading in the sofa.

\- Is that another ice tea? It's your third one today…

\- At least I'm not spending it on private planes… anymore.

April couldn't help but laugh. She remembered. Jackson smiled at her. _¡Oh, no!,_ she thought.

 _No longer married, no longer married_. But she couldn't reprimand herself anymore, for a huge fuss started outside the room.

\- Something seems to be wrong,- Jackson said- be right back.

Jackson left the room. April hated this, she hated she couldn't get up easily, that she couldn't help or even found out what was going up. And now the fuss had woken Harriet up. She swayed her slowly, calming her down. She couldn't do anything. She even needed help to change Harriet's diapers.

A little boy, no older than eight years, entered the room. He seemed scared.

\- Hello, sweetheart. What's wrong?

\- The… the doctor told me to wait here.

 _Jackson_ , April thought. Something must be really wrong.

\- Very well, what's your name?

\- Michael.

\- What a lovely name. Come closer, Michael. Don't be afraid. Would you like to meet little Harriet.

Michael got closer. He looked at Harriet for a bit, but it was a bit hard for him, since he wasn't very tall, and April couldn't move much.

\- I want to go back with my daddy.

God, had something happened to this boy's father?

\- You will, in a moment. Do you mind keeping me company for just a little longer? I got hurt so I have to stay in bed for a while and I get bored.

\- Ok- Michael said.

April started to tell him a story about a pig and a cow, who were best friends and lived together at a farm. He seemed to relax a little. April was telling him about the time both had tried to steal the farmer's tractor to go to town when Jackson entered the room.

\- Hey, Michael. It's time to go back to your dad, ready?

Michael left the sofa quickly and holded Jackson's hand. After both left, April was relieved, Jackson looked calm, so everything must had gone well. After a few minutes, Jackson was back.

\- What was that about?- April asked.

\- He came with his dad to visit his uncle, in the next room. But his father had a panic attack after he found out he wasn't a match for the kidney transplant. He made quite a fuss. One of the interns had told him before the attendant got there, and the intern also freaked out, unable to explain himself. And the poor kid was watching all, so I send him here. He's calm now. It took sometime to convince him the UNOS list would work.

\- I see, I will pray for them.

Jackson smiled and went back to the sofa.


	4. Chapter 4

Jackson was driving home with Harriet. A part of Jackson wanted to laugh at the " _birds and dogs_ " comment of April, but in the back of his mind he could still hear April's cries over the phone when Ben opened her up, and how pale she was when she arrived to the hospital in the ambulance. He knew she had every right to be with Harriet at all time, but their baby girl had been in the nursery longer than any other healthy baby, and Harriet couldn't stay in April's room without someone there to help her. And April wouldn't let Jackson stay the night there.

He felt a bit guilty he hadn't suggested that option, but he believed April would never accept that much help from him. After all he had been the one to ask for the divorce. He had to remind himself it had been for the best. It just wasn't working. They had not been able to help each other, they just seemed to hurt each other even more. He used to blame April, now he just couldn't. It was not that their problems had suddenly disappear when Harriet was born, but he knew he had started to forgive her. He hoped April felt the same way. He had been so scared while he waited for Bailey to come out of April's surgery. No matter how angry he had been with April, how lonely he had felt when she left and went to Jordan, how hurt he felt when she had not seen he was suffering too, he had never imagined a world without April. It just wasn't right.

Even entering the house with Harriet for the first time felt wrong. Like their little family couldn't work without April there. After all that April had been through to get Harriet to this world, she deserved to be there with them. Well, with Harriet. If April had been healthy, he probably wouldn't be there to get Harriet home. He would probably just visit later on the day to see Harriet and make sure they had settled properly. Karen would be there with April, and Jackson would just be a visitor until Harriet were a little bit older. But April wasn't healthy yet and he was alone with Harriet.

Jackson put Harriet in her _going-home-from-the-hospital_ onesie and took a picture. She looked so cute. He sent it to April and she answered with a bunch of emojis. He felt bad for her. He could imagine April being really excited when she bought it, and deciding that onesie was going to be the one her baby would wear the day they got back from the hospital. And now she couldn't even be there.

\- Your mom is really amazing, Harriet. And really strong.

Harriet smiled a little. God, she was so cute.

\- And YOU are just as beautiful as she is.

Years ago, when April was pregnant with Samuel, Jackson had imagined their life as a family over and over again. And it looked nothing like this. Samuel was dead, their marriage had fallen apart, they were divorced and April was in the hospital. And yet they had Harriet. Their wonderful and precious Harriet. He had no idea of how they would raise her. It was not like they had suddenly agreed on everything they used to fight over. Church, school, the Avery foundation, the farm… But that could wait. April was alive and they had Harriet. There was still time to figure things out.

\- I think we should call mommy to see how she's feeling.

As soon as she answered, he knew she was still crying. He tried to comfort her, but it didn't seem to work. When she expressed concern over money, he couldn't help but jump into action.

\- I'm loaded, I can.

\- Well, I'm not, and we're not married.

\- Yes, I know.

Of course he knew, he had spent all day thinking how different things would be if they were. And why couldn't she accept the money? She wanted to be able to do it herself, he got it, but she was not a single mother as she said, he was right there, he wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't dead. They had agreed on co-parenting. And being divorced didn't mean to let her cry when she was this upset. But by the time she hung up, he had already figured out a way to cheer her up later that night.


	5. Chapter 5

April couldn't sleep. She had been so excited, planning everything for Harriet. The nursery was ready, she had so many clothes and toys. At first she hadn't bought much, even if she kept telling herself it would be alright, she just couldn't. Jackson and her mother had bought so much for Samuel and they never got to use it. She never asked Jackson what had happened to all that stuff, it was too painful. But after the first ultrasound with Arizona, April had decided it was about time and she went to buy a bunch of stuff. And yet she was trapped in the hospital, away from her _little miracle_ , unable to move around. She wanted to hold Harriet. She knew Jackson would be there, first thing in the morning, with Harriet on his arms. But she needed to be there now. On Harriet's first day away from the hospital. It felt like she was going to miss so much in Harriet's life from the very beginning. She hadn't seen her when she was born, but hours later when she woke up from the anesthesia. She hadn't being able to hold her without help the first days and now she was away from her baby girl.

She was happy Harriet was healthy and happy, of course she was, and she thanked God everyday for it. But she couldn't help being sad.

Jackson sent her a text. He said she should get her tablet since he was video calling. It seemed that Harriet wouldn't go to sleep.

It hurt, seeing him like this. He was there, sitting in a rocking chair, holding their baby. It was ironic. Years ago, she had imagined exactly this so many times, only she wasn't watching it on a screen, stuck in the hospital, and divorced. And she missed Harriet, she should be with her.

She started singing, " _Faith_ " had being the first song to come to her mind. Her baby girl was so beautiful. And Jackson was such a great father. _No longer married, April_ , she thought. She had messed things so much. She knew she had needed it to survive. She had felt like dying for so long. But that didn't change the fact that she left Jackson alone and hurt, when he had needed her the most. And he had been unable to forgive her. Now they were on opposite sides of a screen. And April was away from her baby.

Harriet slowly fell asleep. April cheered up a little, knowing she could always sing her baby back to sleep. She said goodnight to Jackson and after the video call was over, she cried for a while, wishing things were different.

* * *

When April woke up, Jackson was already sitting in the sofa with Harriet in his arms, and April's breakfast was waiting for her.

\- How was it?

\- Well, I think Harriet liked her room. Her father, on the other hand, was freaking out about being left alone with her.

\- I'm sure you did a great job.

April hold Harriet for a while, kissing her head and playing with her fingers, before giving her back to Jackson and started breakfast.

\- I think I'm still not as good with babies as I should, so don't be surprised if I call you now and then for help.

\- Jackson, you don't have to check up on me, I'm serious.

\- Who's talking about you? I'm being selfish. I want a free 24/7 baby helpline. Who else I would call? _My_ mother?

April tried to hide a laugh.

\- Don't be mean to your mother. And you can always call Alex.

\- That would be weird. Anyway, I have to check on a patient, I'll be back later.

Jackson put Harriet on April's arms, he kissed Harriet's forehead and left. _Not married_ , _April, not married_.

* * *

Jackson came to pick up Harriet, it was time for them to leave again. She felt heartbroken. And then Jackson was suggesting they moved in with him. No, no way. It was already hard like this.

I need boundaries,- April said.- and I can take care of her.

She meant it, she didn't want to be mean, but she needed them so bad. This couldn't go on like this, with her spending half the day imagining how things would be if they were married. She still had feelings, she knew it. Living with him would only make it worse. She would never be able to move on.

\- Of course you can, and you will. I know that we need boundaries, I know that I'm not your _husband_. I also know that I'm Harriet's father and she needs her mother. And _her mother_ needs help. Just think about it, okay?

At least one of them remembered they were divorced. She agreed to think about it. And Jackson left with Harriet.


	6. Chapter 6

April was going to be discharged today. Jackson was in the hospital with Harriet, making sure they had everything they needed to take April home. Well, to his house. Jackson would never admit it, but he was actually worried she may not like the house. He had arranged her room to her liking and made sure everything was in her reach so she wouldn't have any trouble. He hoped she also liked Harriet's room. He had felt terrible when Richard had reminded him that they were a family, and he should be persistent so that April would accept his help. He didn't want to make any more mistakes. It had to be perfect, so April would be comfortable. He asked a nurse for a wheelchair for April. Jackson went inside April's room and put Harriet in her arms. He started picking up her stuff.

\- Jackson, is there something you would like to tell me?

Jackson froze.

\- Mmmm… about what?- he said slowly.

April looked upset.

\- I don't know, maybe about why my medical bills are already paid?

\- Uhm, yeah… about that…

\- Jackson, this is not ok! You cannot go around paying for me. I agreed to go live with you because I thought it was a good idea as long as we had boundaries, but this is overstepping them. I will pay you back and I will not hear another word about it.

\- Common, April. Don't be like this. The Avery Foundation owns half this hospital. Of course we wouldn't let you pay.

\- We are NOT married, Jackson.

Yup, she had to say that every time. Though this time he had to admit he had seen it coming.

\- Harriet's part, I would get it, but I can pay for my own. This is unacceptable. I can't believe that you thought this was ok.

Oh, boy. She wasn't going to let go.

\- But you are family. Family, April! So you might as well forget it. You're not paying back, you're not complaining about it. Do you think I would charge Harriet for medical care? No, right? So why would I do that to her mother?

\- But…

\- Are you going to say we are not family? Are you? Really? After all we have been through? I know we are not married anymore, but we are still family.

April was left speechless. Jackson didn't dare to smile, but he was making a fuss inside. He had won this one. He finished picking April's stuff, and helped her get to the wheelchair. This time, the three of them would leave the hospital together. He started pushing the wheelchair and he could hear April whispering to Harriet.

\- That was so not fair. That's cheating. So unreasonable.

Jackson kept walking, secretly enjoying her tantrum. He put Harriet on the baby chair and helped April get in the car. They didn't talk much while he drove home. He had already moved everything April needed from her apartment to his place. He had even found a place in her room for her bible.

He was excited, but he was also very nervous. Jackson wasn't quite sure how this was going to work. They had lived together so many times before and yet he had no idea how this was going to be.

\- Are you still angry? - he asked her.

\- Well, I'm not exactly happy, but I'm also not furious.

\- It's a beginning, I guess. We are almost home.

He was almost sure she had cringed when he said the word _home_. He sighed a little. This should be fun.

* * *

After April was settled in her room, Jackson went to buy some food. He missed April's cooking, it was the best, so delicious. But there were two problems, first, she had no obligation to cook for him, and second, even if she wanted, she was still recovering. He wouldn't even mind eating leftovers. So chinese it'd be. With extra fortune cookies, please.

When he came back with the food, April was sitting in the living room with Harriet.

\- For a person who hates throw pillows, you sure own a lot.

\- I don't like them, but I no longer hate them.

He hadn't been the one to buy them, anyway. He looked at April, whose smile was fading. Dammit, she meant to make a joke.

\- Things just change, I guess- said April, more to herself than to Jackson.

They had their meal, with almost no small talk. Jackson had no idea what to do. He wanted April to feel comfortable, that she wouldn't mind asking for help, and that she was happy there, with Harriet. But right now, they were alone, with their baby, without the movement and the noise of the hospital, without visitors or patients. Should they talk? Should they watch tv together? Should they just ignore each other unless April needed help?

After they finished, Jackson started cleaning up the table, and April went to the nursery. When Jackson was done, he went to see how they were doing. He stopped at the door. April was sitting in the rocking chair, singing quietly to Harriet. It was a lovely picture. Just like he had imagined his life would be. A healthy baby, the lovely mother of his child, and him, all living under the same roof. Even if it was just a temporary illusion.


	7. Chapter 7

_57\. 57 picture books_. That's how many picture books were in Harriet's room. Jackson had bought most of them. 16 stuffed animals. Harriet also had 12 different blankets, all from different colours. April didn't want to spoil Harriet, but right now she wished her baby girl owned more stuff, since she had finished counting everything after the first 45 minutes. April couldn't move much yet. So she was sitting in the rocking chair while Harriet sleeped. She could go to the living room to watch some tv, but if Harriet started crying, April would have to move again, and again, and she wasn't sure that'll be a good idea. So she just stayed in the rocking chair. At first she tried to distract herself on her phone, but that only helped about 10 minutes. And Jackson was at work. She had an appointment with Arizona the next day, she was going to ask her if it was already ok for her to move around more.

It's not like she wasn't grateful. She was now with Harriet. Harriet was healthy. And currently sleeping well. She thanked God every time she looked at Harriet. But yeah, she was bored. Couldn't lie to herself. She was currently staring at the wall, looking for cracks in the paint. She couldn't find any. She wanted to help around the house, but at most she could make coffee, anything else was still too tiring. Even cooking, it meant standing and moving for a long time, shopping groceries, she was just not able to do it yet. But as soon as she could she was going to, for sure. She was tired of take out. Jackson always bought delicious food, but she missed home made food.

She had tried to make more than just small talk in the morning, while they drank coffee, but Jackson hadn't been exactly chatty. Anything would have helped. A case, a surgery plan… what size was the new boob job going to be. But no, just good morning, how you slept, how is Harriet looking. Gorgeous, obviously, she was their precious baby girl. And to make matters worse, he had looked especially handsome that morning.

There had been a time when they couldn't take their hands off each other. They had discover every single hiding place in the hospital. Both when she got rehired for the second time and when they were just married. Even before the divorce, they hadn't been able to stop. Being only inches away from each other had been enough. His hand on her back, the way he kissed her, how he hold her against him. _Stop it, April._ The more she tried not to think about it, the more she did. How was she supposed to face him when he got home. He would see right through her. But there just wasn't anything to keep her mind busy. She had even tried to reconstruct every surgery she performed that year on her mind. It didn't do the trick. Things were already awkward in the house, now she wouldn't even be able to look him in the eyes.

Harriet woke up.

\- Thank you, darling, mommy was going crazy. Time for you to eat.

* * *

Jackson was sitting in front of her. He was holding Harriet. She needed to be able to this. Jackson was the only adult she was talking to this days, and she was living with him. She had to be able to talk to him without him figuring out what was on her mind. Crap, he was staring at her. He knew.

\- Hey, you got an appointment with Arizona tomorrow morning, right?

\- Yup.

\- I'll drive you there. And I'll take care of Harriet while you are there. And then I'll drive you back. I cleared my schedule for the morning so you wouldn't… So you had it easier.

\- ¡Oh! That's… very considerate of you. Thank you.

Jackson smiled at her. No, don't do this. This was going to be so hard. This was already really hard. He had a beautiful smile, and such amazing eyes. _April, please, stop doing this to yourself. You're not longer married. He doesn't want you that way._ And yet he was right in front of her, with their baby in his arms, all under the same roof, like a happy, awkward, strange little perfect family.

* * *

Jackson helped April get to the car. At least today she wasn't going to stare at the wall all day long. And she would see other people. She had hoped to stay for a while after her appointment, but she wouldn't be able to do it since Jackson was driving her back. She was still going out. It was something. Also, by now April had realized everything about her relationship with Jackson flowed way better outside the house. It was almost as if they had gone back to being good friends. As long as they weren't completely alone.

\- You'll be back on your feet soon, you'll see.

\- I know, it's just taking a bit longer than I expected.

None of their friends had been too surprised when they announced April would temporarily move in with Jackson. Everything should be great, except it wasn't. It wasn't a long drive. Jackson took Harriet with him and April went to her appointment.

\- You're still not going to be able to move as freely as you wish, but you should start to move more. Go outside, have a walk. Just moderate effort.

April left and started looking for Jackson. She could call him, but this way she could look around for a bit longer. She went to the pit, said hi to Owen. There was a woman there, covered in blood. There had been a car accident and her husband and her two boys were being treated. It was bad. But everyone was doing their best. She could see that. They would be fine. April knew she was in no condition to help, so she said a prayer and left. She knew where Jackson would be. She couldn't stop thinking about what she had just seen. The thought of losing Harriet or Jackson was enough to give her a lot of anxiety. She forgot what Arizona had told her and walked a bit faster. She stopped at the door. There they were. Jackson swaying Harriet. He looked at her.

\- Everything ok? You ready?

\- Yes. Take us home, please. - she said quietly.


	8. Chapter 8

Jackson was on the attendings' room looking through the pictures in his phone. He had taken a bunch of pictures so far. He stopped at one he took the first day April went home with him. She looked beautiful, standing in front of his house with Harriet on her arms. . April had been his best friend for years. Funny, stubborn, hardworking, smart and beautiful. After Owen had rehired her, it hit him hard how long it took him to realize he had fallen in love with her. Then at her wedding, he had just looked at her, dressed in white, shining like a small star, and he just couldn't stand the thought that she was going to spend the rest of her life with someone else. But it hadn't worked. Even before Samuel died, he wasn't sure it was working. Their beliefs were so different. He still wondered how would they raise Harriet. And yet, he now wondered if getting that divorce had being the right call.

At least, buying the house had been the right decision. Jackson was living in a rented apartment after the divorce. After he found out April was pregnant again, he had decided to buy a house, it seemed more fitted to raise a child, but he kept feeling the house would be his downfall. It could quickly turn into the daily reminder of a painful memory, a disappointed hope. The feeling greatly faded after April let him feel the baby's kicks. Catherine had hired a decorator for the house, and now he wondered if the house was too much to Catherine's taste for April. He hoped it wasn't the case. She liked throw pillows, should he get more?

Arizona entered the room, and Jackson quickly put his phone away.

\- Slow day? - she asked.

\- Yeah.

\- Everything ok with April and Harriet?

\- Yes- Jackson couldn't hide from small talk, apparently.

\- Well, April's almost recovered. She should be able to manage on her own soon.

Arizona smiled at him and left. What the hell did she mean? He was sure Arizona meant well, but what did _on her own_ meant? Did everyone think he was only going to help April until she had recovered? Of course not! He's Harriet father! He was going to help raise their daughter.

Jackson left he attendings room a bit upset.

* * *

-Bring her back when she's hungry!

April left straight to the E.R., limping a little, leaving Jackson a bit confused with Harriet on his arms. Had she meant it? About liking the neighborhood and the house? " _Bring her back_ ", ha! He looked down to their beautiful baby girl.

\- Your mom seems to miss the E.R., sweetheart. Let's go.

When he first saw April entering the hospital, he worried something might be wrong with Harriet. But everything was fine, and now he had a child on his arms and a runaway wife. _Ex-wife! Dammit, What's wrong with you, Jackson?_ , he reminded himself. A runaway ex-wife. Jackson suspected she had been bored. He couldn't blame her. April was used to the quick pace of the E.R.

But April didn't actually vanished for long. She kept showing up, checking on Harriet. It was actually a bit funny to watch, seeing April struggle between not wanting to be away from Harriet and finding an interesting case. After Jackson had to enter surgery, April took Harriet with her and left. Or that was what Jackson thought. When he was leaving, he saw her, standing there, and some nurses playing with Harriet.

\- How gnarly?

Jackson smiled. He knew it. She was so bored. She loved Harriet so much, everyone could see that, but yeah, she was desperately bored. No wonder she came to the hospital instead of walking around the block. She needed some fun. Just a little till she came back to work. He could take care of Harriet a bit longer. For starters, he was glad they could talk like friends, like before.

\- Hey, sweetheart.

He knew April got there in a cab, so he sended her a text. He and Harriet were going to get some coffee, and visit grandpa Richard for a while, and they would all leave in Jackson's car when she was ready. As soon as Jackson entered Richard's office, he took Harriet away from Jackson's arms. Jackson smiled. He was glad there were so many people who loved Harriet.

* * *

On their way home, Jackson could tell April was on a really good mood. She was really chatty, telling him all about the cases she have seen and how she would have reacted. He started to realize he was going to have a couple more visits from April and Harriet on the hospital. He smiled.

They stopped on the way home to buy some good. He was going to get it, but then April insisted on doing it, but after standing all day, Jackson really thought she should get some rest. April was a really stubborn person, and she was trying to be nice, she still acted like she was no more than a guest at his house. In the end, he had to let her go, since she wouldn't accept it any other way. When she got out of the car, he looked at the back of the car, where Harriet was resting on her baby chair.

\- Your mother is the most stubborn person in this plannet. When you're old enough to go to preschool, you won't be able to leave the house without five sweaters and a first aid kit on your backpack.


	9. Chapter 9

April woke up. She felt like she had just returned to her bed. Harriet was crying. It was April's turn. It was probably the fifth or sixth time Harriet had woken up that night. April got up and started walking towards Harriet room. April could hear Jackson getting up. He was still worried about April not being fully recovered. He was just being nice, she knew that, but it was hard having him there for her. They had long forgotten what boundaries meant.

She entered Harriet's room and picked her up. Jackson arrived. He was standing in the door. Even tired and sleepy, he looked very handsome.

\- This is her revenge - April said dramatically .- She heard me say she was a boring miracle and now she will never let me sleep.

Jackson actually laughed at this one. April was glad. She had tried before without much success.

\- I don't think babies hold grudges for that long.

April smiled at him. But then Harriet started crying even harder.

\- Oh, sweetheart, don't be like this. - April swayed Harriet, trying to calm her down.

A part of April knew Jackson should be resting for his turn, but she thanked him for being there. A little voice in her mind reminded her that they weren't really together, that this would be temporary, he was being nice, considerate, but there may come the day when she would be alone and there would be no turns, no one there to keep her company while she tried to comfort Harriet. She didn't want that. She wanted to stay, she wanted their little family to work. She could ask him, but then again that would be selfish. He had every right to go on with his live, without April taking over it.

\- Do you want me to help you? You look upset. Are you in pain?- he said.

\- ¡Oh, no! I'm fine, just... a little tired. Don't worry, you should go rest.

\- It's fine, really. You're the one in recovery.

\- You have work tomorrow.

\- It's fine, I promise.

\- I'm fine, too.

They didn't insist, but neither of them moved. She didn't want to bother him, she was a guest, she shouldn't be rude. She was also too tired to fight.

Jackson got closer. He leaned and put his hand on Harriet's head. He was so close. April could almost feel his breath. He was smiling. He looked up and then stepped back. _Not together, not actually together, April._

After a few minutes, she managed to calm Harriet and put her to sleep. She put her down on her crib. They left the room and started walking towards their rooms.

\- Let's get some sleep. - Jackson said.

Then he put his arm over her shoulder, as if he was about to hug her in a reflex. He stopped and quickly withdrew his arms, but she had already seen it. They looked at each other then looked at the floor. April was confused.

\- Rest well - he said. And walked straight to his room without looking at her again.

Ha! As if she would be able to sleep after that.


	10. Chapter 10

\- I move out, I guess.

Jackson's mind stopped _. What the hell? I just said "we have to figure out a way to exist together" as in TOGETHER!_ And she suggest she moves out.

\- What?

\- Well, Arizona says that I can, I mean, I'm healed, so… I will, I guess.

 _Dammit, Arizona._ He knew he had suggested she stayed until she recovered, but that was before. Things were different now, weren't they? Well, April didn't seem to be sure, she said "guess" after all. He didn't want her to move out. He wanted to find a way to make this work. But how was he supposed to explain that to April without her freaking out over boundaries? Though she hadn't actually mention boundaries lately.

April got distracted, Harriet was miraculously still sleeping. Jackson sat down. He put his hand on Harriet's blanket, next to April's hand, without daring to touch it. He wanted to hold her. Let her know they got this. They would be great parents. He looked at their beautiful baby girl and then looked up to the beautiful mother of his child. _Just say it, Jackson, all the problems always start because neither of us say it._

\- I don't want you to move out.

 _In fact I want to live with you and Harriet, watch her grow together, help you on the tough nights, be there when she gives her first step. But that would be too much to confess right now._

\- I don't want to move out either.

Jackson felt his lungs fill up with joy. He let what she had said sink in. They were in the same page, at least on this.

\- I'm scared I may never sleep again, she's stronger than I am, she could defeat me.

Jackson smiled. April had always had her dramatic side.

\- There's two of us, we got her outnumbered.

Yes. They should be together. They should raise her together. They could figure out the rest. They just had to be a team. Their hands had gotten closer, but they were still not touching. He moved his hand away, and put it on Harriet's head. Their _little miracle_.

\- You two are staying.

It wasn't a question. They had their little family, they should stay together.

\- Okay.

\- Okay.

Something else good came out of this. No more mandatory coffee on the mornings.

* * *

Jackson was in the sofa, playing with Harriet, when April came, and stood right in front of him.

\- Tomorrow is your rest day, right?

\- Yeah, do you need me to do anything?

\- No, I… I was wondering if you would like waffles for breakfast? I… was thinking about making waffles.

\- You don't have to…

\- I know! ... I know. I, I want to.

Jackson looked at her. She seemed a bit nervous, but happy.

\- Waffles sound great.

April smiled and turn around. She went to the kitchen, to check if she had everything she needed, Jackson guessed.

* * *

She seemed to like the kitchen. She had started to cook again. Not daily, but he no longer cared if he ate leftovers of the same thing for 4 days in a row. Her cooking was so good. He would do the groceries, with her very specific instructions. He had actually taken some of her food today on a tupperware container, much to her amusement.

They had agreed on living together. They hadn't actually talk about how long that meant, but for now they were going to live together indefinitely. They moved the rest of April's stuff to the house, but they didn't talk about what she would do with the apartment. If any on their friends were concern over that arrangement, he didn't know, no one had actually mention it to him.

Was it weird that he wanted to live with his ex? They had a child together, and Harriet was too small to live in two different houses. And he didn't want to miss anything important. It wasn't that strange that they lived together, was it? Also, April and him were friends way before they actually dated, and they had lived together before. They could be roommates. Co-parents and roommates. That didn't mean they didn't have boundaries. They weren't like together, together. Maybe he was overthinking it. He was definitely too tired to think straight. He would think about it later.


	11. Chapter 11

April was going back to work the next morning. She was nervous. She was excited to go back to the E.R., but at the same time she didn't want to leave Harriet.

\- It'll be fine, April- Jackson said.

April smiled at him, still nervous. Jackson was watching tv with Harriet on his arms. They looked so cute. April looked away, hoping he hadn't noticed her staring. They had agreed on living together. It was what April wanted, things would be easier this way and Harriet would have both her parents on the same house. But she was unsure it had been the right decision. They never mentioned for how long it would be, it couldn't be forever. They had to move on. She couldn't lie to herself anymore. She wasn't trying to get over Jackson anymore. Instead her hopes had grown. It wasn't right, she knew it, but she couldn't stop it. April didn't want to think about it.

She couldn't stay still, so nervous about the next day. She was walking all around the house, making sure she wasn't forgetting anything. She had to calm down. If she was going back to work, she needed to be focused. She couldn't make a mistake with a patient just because she was thinking of Harriet. She needed to believe it would be fine. And she needed to go back to work so bad. She loved Harriet, but she missed her work so much. She needed the rush, feeling useful and mostly, not spending her day staring.

\- Are you going to watch the movie with us, or not?- Jackson asked jokingly.

She walked towards the sofa. She couldn't sit too close, it'd be weird; but not too far, that'd be suspicious. Finally she sat down. Jackson had made some popcorns and Harriet was playing with her toys.

\- What are we watching?

Jackson said the name of the movie, but she hadn't heard of it before. She took some popcorns and tried to relax. It wasn't an easy task. She had to be able to do this if they were going to live together. But it was so easy, and at the same time so hard, to forget they were divorced when they were living together and had a child. She had to process it, they were two friends who used to be married and now they were raising their child. But were they really friends? They weren't open to each other as they used to. But admitting they wanted to live together was a progress, wasn't it?

Callie and Arizona had stopped living together when they got divorced, but Sofia was way older than Harriet by then. Was it really healthy that April and Jackson were living together? A part of April believed it wasn't, but the rest wanted so badly to believe it was.

Twenty minutes into the movie, Harriet felt asleep and Jackson got up to put her on her crib. April got up too.

\- Stay, don't worry. I'll put her on her crib and we can finish watching the movie- said Jackson.

April sat down again and he left. April started to freak out a little. They were going to be alone. As in completely alone. Jackson came back after a few minutes and sat down in the sofa, only this time he was closer to April than before. They didn't talk. April tried to focus on the movie, as Jackson did, but by now she had no clue what it was about.

She tried to look at his discretely. He was so handsome, his arms looked so strong. Jackson had being her best friend, the person she loved the most. They used to trust each other so much. He had always got her back. Whenever something happened, he had always being there for her. He was also the only man she had ever being with. It was funny how she had stressed so much over no longer being a virgin for her future husband then ended marrying him. At the time, it had felt like it had all being God's plan. But she no longer knew what God's plan was.

\- April?

¡Oh, God! He had seen her staring at him. She looked away.

\- I think I'm too tired and I should get some sleep for tomorrow. Good night, Jackson.

April got up and went straight to her room. She was so embarrassed. She kept making this harder.


	12. Chapter 12

Jackson had planned to spend all day with Harriet, since it was April's first day back in the hospital. In the end, he had to go to the hospital and couldn't. But now he was home with his little princess. He stared at her, their baby girl was so beautiful.

Jackson put Harriet on a baby chair and started setting the table. At first he thought of waiting for April to finish working, but then he realized she had taken her car, so it was a bit pointless. He decided he was going to suggest they go to work together from now on, that would be easier. April arrived home a bit after Jackson and Harriet. She looked really happy after her first day back to work. She went straight to Harriet and picked her up. April made a funny face and declared Harriet needed a diaper change.

\- Jackson?

\- Yeah?

\- Why is Harriet wearing two diapers?

Jackson burst out laughing.

\- Well, I was paged for an emergency, Owen volunteered to take her to the daycare and they ended up spending most of the day together. So you can ask him tomorrow.

April laughed.

\- He had her all day? He sent Ben in the morning to see if I was free, I told them to take her to daycare. Aw, Harriet, did you give uncle Owen any trouble? No, you didn't, right? This little nugget is a good nugget.

They looked at each other and laughed a bit longer. They sat down and April microwaved some of the food she had prepared yesterday. She told him all about her day and asked about his patient. She knew who he was, since he arrived at the E.R. and was glad Jackson had being able to help him.

It had being two months since Harriet was born and they had being living together for a little over month now. It had started to feel natural to arrive home and being there with both April and Harriet. Ok, sure, April had acted a bit weird the night before, but he wasn't going to make a fuss about it. It was April, she was probably over thinking something and getting stressed. And she was going to be more relaxed now that she was back at work. He knew April spending all day long alone with a baby was the perfect recipe for over thinking, but now that was over.

Jackson stared at April for a moment. She was relaxed and happy. And he was so glad they could talk like this, live together like this. He decided he wasn't going to stress about their relationship anymore. He was going to enjoy their time together. He didn't know what kind of relationship they had or how long they would live together, but for now it was fine. It would be ok. He was just going to be happy about living with April and their daughter.

\- April?

\- Yes?

\- I was thinking, tomorrow we should go to work together, you know, share the car and all that, and we can take Harriet to the daycare.

\- Yeah, I was thinking about that too. There's no reason to use both cars, and it's better for the environment and everything.

\- Absolutely.

Well, at least that was settled.

* * *

Jackson woke up. He was tired. Harriet had woken up a couple times last night. At least they were taking turns now, proper turns. He got up and as he was leaving his room he saw April leaving hers with slight dark circles under her eyes. They were both sleepy.

\- I'll make breakfast- she said.

\- I'll get Harriet ready- he answered.

And both started walking towards their respective chores. Soon they were both ready, both had already eaten breakfast and had coffee. Harriet was dressed and her diaper bag was full with everything she needed. He didn't mind their mornings anymore. Before it had being awkward and filled with small talk. Now they were just like before, when they were newlyweds, only they had Harriet and they weren't married, but those were happy mornings.

They even talked on their way to work. They used to be best friends. He had missed this so much. It no longer felt like they were on their own. They were a team now. A good team.


	13. Chapter 13

It had being a tough day. It was always like this when they lost a patient, especially a child. April wasn't going to admit she was really relieved when they arrived home. Jackson was an excellent driver and she knew he would never do anything that might put Harriet in danger. But she couldn't help it, she had being a little stressed. Still, she knew Jackson would understand, he probably felt the same way, after all, he had also felt the need to double check Harriet's baby chair, but she didn't want to put more pressure on him.

Jackson took Harriet for a diaper change and April started cooking dinner. They didn't talk much during dinner, they were both tired and sad. After Harriet fell asleep, April took her to her crib, and stood there, looking at Harriet for a while.

She was so little, so fragile. Their _little miracle_. She was right in front of April, healthy, sleeping peacefully. But the again, Robbie had been healthy too, completely happy until this morning. And now he was gone. April kept thinking of Samuel. They had been so happy during the pregnancy, before they found out Samuel as ill. It had all been perfect and then it wasn't, it had all teared apart and it had nearly killed April and Jackson too. If something happened to Harriet… It was so awful just to think about it.

April knew Jackson had been standing in the door all along. A moment later, he entered the room and stood next to April.

\- I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her. I don't think I would be able to survive it - she said in a whisper.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Jackson stood a bit closer to her and he put his arm around her shoulders. April leaned on him.

\- It'll be fine, April. She has us, we're going to take care of her. We'll protect her. It's going to be fine.

Both hoped, more than believed, that those words were true. April closed her eyes and said a prayer. Jackson didn't let go. And so they stood like that for a while. Then they hugged briefly.

\- Thank you, Jackson- April said as she let go. And then she went to her room, too busy thinking about Harriet, Samuel and Robbie to actually process what had just happened.


	14. Chapter 14

Jackson and April got in the car with Harriet. They were taking her to the pediatric today for her vaccines. They had decided to take her to the clinic instead of the hospital since Karev was there and they trusted him more, even if it was just for vaccines. Jackson stared at April for a moment before turning the car on. They were now used to each other presence. It was easier nowadays, being in the house together was no longer awkward, just as when they were roommates. They were back at being friends, they would tell each other how their day went, their cases, the patients, they would talk in the hospital, help each other.

Jackson was happy, it was not only the good stuff. They could talk now. If something was annoying each other, they would say it. Just this morning, April had reprimanded Jackson for leaving dirty dishes behind. He smiled. They had had that same discussion before, back when they were married. He promised not to do it again.

Still, he couldn't deny a part of him felt awkward. He still found April really attractive, he still loved her a lot. And they were divorced, even when not only them, but people in the hospital, were constantly forgetting that tiny detail. Just the day before, a nurse had told him that _his wife_ needed a plastics consult in the E.R. He decided not to correct her at the time, maybe he should have. A small voice in the back of his head talk to him in regret, maybe he rushed the divorce, maybe he should had stayed, and fixed their problems, like his wedding vows said.

He would remind himself of those dark times, when he was alone, when April abandoned him. But the voice would remind him that that same woman had almost died, and was willing to die, just to bring his beautiful baby girl to this world; that she was kind, brave, caring and compassionate. No other doctor in the hospital had so much empathy with the patients as April did.

They arrived to the clinic and took Harriet inside, to a small private room where Karev saw them. Karev was really good with Harriet, she really liked him, as most kids did. April would always charge at Alex with a bunch of questions. It was normal for babies to react a bit badly to certain vaccines, but it wasn't dangerous. Still, April would always worry. So did Jackson, but he was a bit better at hiding it.

Alex told him Owen had taken Harriet to him before, because she wouldn't stop crying, and asked if Owen had being able to figure it out. They laughed.

\- He did, but he also put two diapers on Harriet - April told him.

Alex smiled. He told them Harriet's next appointment, but also added he might not be around for it.

\- Don't be like that, I'm sure it will turn out alright. Don't give up yet.- Jackson told him.

He was worried for Karev, but he really hoped he would be found innocent and that everything would turn out alright. Alex smiled at him, not too left after that. Both of them had the day off. After they were back at the car, April looked at him.

\- I was thinking we could stop on the way back and get ice cream - she said.

\- I'm pretty sure Harriet can't eat ice cream yet- he joked.

\- Don't be silly,- she said while smiling, - it's for us.

\- Sure.

Her smiled was so beautiful. He just wanted her to be happy. He smacked his head mentally. He should stop thinking about April like that all the time. He drove to April's favorite ice cream shop and parked the car. They got down with Harriet and sat down after getting the ice cream. He enjoyed this so much, his little family. He looked at April, who was holding Harriet while trying to eat ice cream. Harriet kept trying to reach the ice cream with her tiny hands. He could spend his life staring at them.

\- Do you think it would be alright?- April asked, taking Jackson away from his daydreaming.

\- What?

\- Karev.

\- Oh! Yeah… It'll be fine. He has good lawyers and he's innocent. It'll be alright.

He smiled, trying to reassure her. April smiled back, a small worried smile.


	15. Chapter 15

April was cooking. She enjoyed cooking and most people enjoyed her cooking, specially Jackson. He was setting the table. April had realized every time Jackson wanted something specific to eat, he wouldn't tell her directly, but he would buy all the ingredients and leave them in the fridge. April had laughed at it, but always cooked it.

Jackson approached from behind, trying to sneak in and steal some food to try it. He was like a child. April laughed, he had always being like this. She turned around fast, to stop him and reprimand him, but stopped on her track. She had turned while Jackson had tried to sneak in and now they were really closed, right in front of each other. She had almost crashed with him and he had held her to stop an accident. He was holding her by the elbows and they were mere centimeters from each other. She looked up to Jackson. None of them had said nothing nor tried to move away. She looked at his lips. She really wished to kiss him, she could hear him breathing slowly. They stood there for what felt like eternity. April knew they shouldn't do this. They were divorced. They were good friends, had child together and lived together, but they were no longer a couple. Jackson had made his choice. He hadn't being able to forgive her and he no longer loved her. She should have moved on by now.

April stepped back and smiled.

\- No food till I'm finished. - she said and turned around.

She turned her back to Jackson, and a tear escaped her eyes. She really hoped Jackson couldn't see it. In that moment Harriet started crying and Jackson whispered he would take care of it. She sighed in relieve, and removed the tear from her cheek. She shouldn't do this anymore. She had to move on.

They didn't really talk while eating. April blamed herself. It hadn't being awkward for a while, and now she had made it awkward again. All because she couldn't move on.

* * *

April was laying on her bed, unable to sleep. How was she supposed to move on? Jackson had being the only man she had ever being with, she hadn't really dated before, and Jackson had being her best friend and her husband. And she still loved him. She couldn't date anyone in the hospital, she wasn't really interested in anyone there and it would be awkward. Also, how was she supposed to find someone? What was she supposed to say? "Hi, I'm April, I'm a doctor, I'm a single mom and I still live with my ex-husband, who I still love". That wouldn't work. She took her phone and googled dating. She scrolled for a bit and saw Tinder a couple times as a suggesting. She could try that. It didn't mean she would actually go on a date with anyone, she would only see what it was about. She downloaded the app and registered.

It was pretty easy. You swiped right if you liked someone's pictures, and left if you didn't. If both swiped right, you could chat with that person. She chose her pictures and started looking. She swiped left the first three guys, not really her type. Then she stopped and she stared at her phone in disbelief. There, in her screen, was Jackson, staring back at her. So at least he was moving on. She stared at her phone, confused and hurt. She wasn't angry, not really, he had every right to move on and meet new people. But she was really hurt, she couldn't stop it. Her eyes filled with tears. Had he already being on a date? When did he start?

In the end, she swiped left, closed the app and left her phone on the nightstand again. She cried for a while before falling asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Jackson was laying in his bed, unable to sleep. He didn't quite understood what had just happened. He had just stood there, wishing to kiss April until she stepped back. What the hell did that mean? She hadn't moved away quickly. She had also stared back at him. Did it mean something? It had taken all his willpower not to kiss April, so much he had being unable to move away from her. Maybe she wasn't so indifferent as he thought she was. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but he was sure there was something there. He went to sleep with a smile on his face, completely ignorant of the fact that at the same time April was crying on her bed.

* * *

The next days, things were a bit different. It wasn't awkward, but he could see April was nervous, jumpy. As if she was really aware of his presence. Jackson wasn't sure of he should be happy about it. She was constantly hiding her phone, or going to another room when he entered one. Was she afraid he might suddenly kiss her?

She had also started to speak really fast, as April always did when she was nervous. He wasn't sure if he should say something. He was afraid he was jumping to conclusions, or that he was rushing things. He decided it would be best to pretend not to notice, at least for a while.

Was this really the right thing to do? Getting back with April? It would make some things easier, for sure; but it could also complicate a lot of things. they had divorced for a reason, right? Things weren't working out. They were both too hurt and too angry at each other to make it work. Just because they had Harriet and they were living peacefully now, it didn't mean they should get back together. But then he was called to the E.R. for a consult, and his mood improved knowing he would run into April.

And sure enough, as soon as he got the she saw her. In fact, she didn't see him coming when he went to say hi, and started acting nervous again.

\- What's up?- he asked her.

But she only said hi again, after already had said hello, and left. Jackson smiled to himself. Yup, definitely jumpy and suspicious.

* * *

April looked a little more nervous than her now average while they were on the car, going back home. As they were arriving home, she finally spoke out.

\- Do you mind if I leave you alone with Harriet tonight? I'm going out, you know, a date.

\- Sure, don't worry about it.

She was probably going out drinking with Arizona. He wondered what they would talk about. It wasn't until April came to the living room, all dressed up, that he realized his mistake. April wouldn't dress up so much for a girls night out drinking. She was going on an actual date. A freaking date. As with other man. As not Jackson.

It struck him like lightning. She was talking. But he wasn't actually listening. He had mixed feelings, staring at how beautiful April looked, and struggling with the fact that she hadn't dressed up for him, but for another guy. He had misread the whole situation. Or nor?

\- So you're going out on... a date?... like a date-date?

\- Yeah, date-date - she said. And Jackson's heart broke.

\- Huh…- So he HAD misread the whole situation.

\- Huh? What's huh?

Damn it, he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

\- It's so hard to believe that a handsome… - She was defensive, Jackson stared at her, his eyes opening in disbelief, he hadn't meant to offend her, he just… he what? Had his hopes up? Wait, what was April saying? And who was this guy?

\- Where did you meet this guy? At work or...?

Did someone in the hospital really dared to ask April out right under Jackson nose?

\- We met on tinder.

Wait, what? April was using tinder. Meaning SHE was looking for dates, as in SHE was moving on.

-You're on tinder?

\- So what? So are you.

WAIT, what? April wasn't supposed to know that. And he hadn't even open the damn app since Harriet was born, maybe long before that.

-That's.. ah, no, not...not lately, how do you know that?

\- Cause you came up on mine once.

\- Really?

God, this was awful. And that had being an awful way for April to found out. Why the hell did he kept showing up if he wasn't using the app, maybe he should had closed his account. Damn it. How could he explain to April that that was not how things were.

\- Well, why wouldn't you? I mean, we're… you're really close by.

\- Yeah…

"Close by" … sure. Great!

\- I swiped left… so yeah.

His heart broke a bit more.

\- No, yeah, I would too.

As if! April left and Jackson stayed there, watching all his hopes crumble and burn. He wasn't even angry at her. She had every right to move on with her life. He was a hypocrite. He had started dating after the divorce, before he found out April was pregnant. He had being the one to push the divorce and now he was acting all surprised over the fact that April was dating someone else. He wanted her to be happy, he didn't want her to stay alone. But he, for some reason, had believed they would get back together. And now she saw that was never going to be the case. And it hurt. It hurt way more than Jackson ever thought it would, back when he divorced April, knowing she would someday find someone else. He wasn't ready for this.


	17. Chapter 17

April was in a bad mood. Not only she had ran away from her first date attempt last night, but she had spent most of her day trying to get a reaction out of Jackson, unsuccessfully. It was childish, it was stupid, it was pointless. But she couldn't help herself. She wanted to see at least a bit of jealousy, just to know she wasn't the only one who hadn't move one. But there he was, being supportive. When he first said he wasn't sure they should talk about dating, her hopes got up for a split of a second. So she told him the truth. Even when she admitted her date had, in fact, not being amazing, but a total disaster, he went back to being supportive. Not exactly what April had in mind. She wasn't joking when she told him he probably already dated half the city, to not say fucked. She was jealous. And angry, even when she knew she shouldn't be. She should be supportive and wish he was happy, just like he was. And she did, she did wish he was happy, but that didn't stop her from being jealous and hurt.

He was watching the game, eating nachos. A very nice looking nachos, actually. If he wasn't going to be jealous, at least he could share some nachos.

When the guy from last night texted her, she saw a new opportunity, so she decided to express it outloud. Jackson took her phone away. She cheered a bit when Jackson made fun of the guy's picture, until he said he looked respectable and she should go on the date. Even when she said she didn't look well enough for a date, he insisted. It was bittersweet hearing him say she looked terrific. This was not what she wanted. What did she expect? Jackson telling her she shouldn't date other people, kiss her softly and tell her he wanted to remarry? Sure, any minute now. She had to stop dreaming.

Did he actually wanted her to date other people? Was this his way of saying "move one"? Maybe she should actually try this. Stop expecting Jackson to take her back. She should try to move on wholehearted. She couldn't spend the rest of her life trying to make Jackson change his mind, didn't she understand that was pointless when she signed the divorce papers?

* * *

Jackson looked at his nachos, no longer hungry. He felt sick. He was angry, hurt and frustrated. How long would he be able to do this. Being "supportive" and nice. He didn't want April to go on dates, he wanted to kiss her and hold her. He wanted her to be his. But that would be selfish and cruel.

In the back of his head, he could hear Sloan's voice, telling him the words Jackson had hold dear for so long. He had heard them the day of April's wedding and he had acted upon it. And it things had indeed burned down to the ground. He didn't regretted it, he really didn't. And now he had a daughter because of it, but he also had a dead son, more suffering that he thought he could survive and a divorce. He couldn't tell April he loved her now. She had told him that so many times before the divorce, begging him not to go through it, and he didn't listen. He turned his back on April, as he felt she did when she left to Jordan. He had thought the divorce was what he needed, that there was no way of fixing them. How selfish he would be if, after all they went through, he told April that he loved her and wanted to start again. Specially now, that she seemed to have moved on. He couldn't do that to her. Not again, no matter how painful it was. He had to move on.

* * *

 **Author note: So yeah… As you can see, I'll stick to canon for now, on my own way. I was really angry after last Grey's episode. Mainly because they are backstabbing Webber, but also because Jackson and April are idiots. Don't get me wrong, I didn't completely hated what the writers did, but I'm sensing some Slexie vibe and I'm afraid. I hope they stop being idiots on the show and get back together, in the meantime I'll stick with canon for now, but I'll change it at some point if it doesn't go the way I'm hoping. Also, updating will be on the weekends.**


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